


Speak to My Soul

by Musicania



Series: Jackbum Title Fics [11]
Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M, Minor Markjin, Non-Idol AU, Song fic, University AU, brief mentions of YoungBamGyeom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-20 20:32:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21287759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musicania/pseuds/Musicania
Summary: Jackson found Defsoul's radio show one night when he was desperate for a distraction from his self-doubts. He ended up finding something that kept bringing him back every week, something that brought him more comfort and joy than he'd been expecting to find from a university radio DJ.And then one of the most beautiful people Jackson had ever seen walked into the cafe where he worked. And his voice sounded really familiar...
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Jackson Wang
Series: Jackbum Title Fics [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1411069
Comments: 14
Kudos: 174





	Speak to My Soul

**Author's Note:**

> New Readers: If you want you can find out more about this series and get caught up on previous works [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1411069).
> 
> This fic is based off of 'Lullaby' which was released in September 2018 off their album Present: YOU
> 
> A/N: for this fic picture 'If You Do' era Jaebeom because even though it has been four years since that comeback, I am STILL not over how fine JB looked.

_ Sleep. Just shut off and go to sleep. **Sleep.** _

Jackson repeated the words like a mantra, hoping that his brain would eventually pick up on the message and let him get some rest. 

Against his better judgement, he opened his eyes and glanced at the clock on his nightstand. Eleven thirty. Which wasn’t really that late—lord knew Jackson had stayed up far later before—but he had to be up at five to go to the gym tomorrow morning before a test at eight. Not to mention that it had been like a week since he got any proper sleep and he was just so _tired_.

His brain was the problem. Every time he closed his eyes it just flooded him with hundreds of 'what ifs' that Jackson didn't know how to answer. What if you switched programs? What if you followed your heart instead of your common sense? What if you make that leap and end up a total failure?

He was currently studying nutrition along with athletics. It wasn't that he didn't like it, but he wasn't sure that was where his passions lay. Except that his passions lay in about twelve different areas and Jackson had no idea of them which one was the right one for him. Which one would feed his heart, his soul and his bank account so that he wouldn't wake up in his mid-forties and feel like he'd wasted his life. 

Was he being over dramatic? Of course he was. Did that mean his brain would abandon that train of thought and switch to something more rational and sane so Jackson could just get some sleep? Of course not. 

Desperate for something else for his mind to focus on, he reached out and turned on the radio in his alarm clock. He winced at the loud static that the device emitted and he quickly turned the volume down before using the tuning dial to see if the ancient device would be able to get any station clearly. 

“I just want to hit the pause button and just figure things out. Take a breath and think through the doubts that start to pile up as days go by."

The station was crackly; Jackson would later learn that it was the campus radio station and his apartment was too far away to get clear reception, but the voice and it's words were clear enough to make Jackson pause.

"To dream of a world where it was totally normal to be thirty and not have your life figured out yet."

Oh god that would make his life so much easier Jackson thought, his fingers slipping away from the radio dial.

“I can’t be the only one who feels this way, right?” The voice said. “Who feels like you have no idea what you’re doing?”

_You’re not_, Jackson thought, laying down again, facing his radio. 

“I guess I believed the propaganda, the television shows and the movies and the books that all have happy endings,” The voice continued. “I thought that it would be easier than this. That I’d go to school and just magically wake up one morning with this clear picture of what I want from my life. But that hasn’t happened yet. I’m a few months away from graduation but I feel no different, no more sure about myself and what I want for my life than I did when I started.”

Jackson relaxed into his pillow, letting the soothing voice speak the thoughts he’d had so many times.

“My friends, my parents tell me that I don’t need to worry so much, that I have time to figure it out. But it doesn’t feel like that. Everything that I’ve known and seen has taught me that when you graduate university it’s somehow the end of your childhood and the start of your adult and that it’s time to get yourself together. But I’m only twenty-one, isn’t that too young to have your whole life figured out?”

Jackson closed his eyes. He had no idea who this person was, no idea what radio station he’d ended up on, but it was somehow like the universe had brought him to the one thing he’d needed the most. 

“I can’t be the only one who feels like this, right?” The DJ repeated. “Up next is a song I wrote on my thoughts on this topic, a friend of mine helping me out with the vocals. It’s called Tomorrow, Today and it helped me voice out some worries I have about my future. If you feel the same find me on Twitter at Defsoul and let me know.”

Jackson reached out, curious, and turned up the volume on the radio. Someone who somehow understood the deepest parts of his soul _and_ wrote music? Who _was_ this Defsoul?

Jackson listened with anticipation through a drum introduction until a soft male voice started singing. _ “Why must I decide about tomorrow, today? How should I know what tomorrow will bring? _

_ "My path and my dreams are fading. If I could turn back time and see my future I would know which way to go. I would know where my path is." _

Jackson was impressed. The song was good. It somehow mixed deep, meaningful lyrics with an upbeat, almost pop beat. The song was beautiful, the vocals and production even more so. Defsoul's voice was different than his friend's, a little more nasally perhaps, but it also carried more emotion. What was Defsoul doing on the radio when he had this kind of vocal and songwriting talent?

_ “Somebody let me know, tell me which way to do because I don’t know.” _

Jackson eyed the radio as if would answer his questions. Who was this Defsoul?

_ “I’m standing in front of the next next next choice between paths that I’ve never gone on before. How can I find my way? I’m afraid, day by day.” _

Jackson was tired, but he picked up his phone and opened his twitter app, searching for Defsoul. There was only one and Jackson found the question 'do you ever feel like you're not ready for your future?' as a pinned tweet at the top of his feed. No one had commented yet.

He hesitated for a moment about what he wanted to reply but then decided to just be honest, letting the melody and phrases of the song wash over him as he typed. ** _You don't know how much I needed to hear this tonight. Knowing I’m not the only one who feels this way means a lot to me. Thank you. _ **

He hesitated once again before adding a second comment. ** _Your song is beautiful by the way. You’ve gained a new fan tonight._ **

He put his phone down and closed his eyes, feeling more at peace than he had in weeks as he listened to the rest of Defsoul’s song.

≪ ≫

The next morning Jackson took more time to look into who Defsoul was. He was a DJ on the campus radio station and in his senior year of radio broadcasting, but that was pretty much all Jackson could find on the studio website. There wasn't a photo of him like the other DJs had, an artsy photo of a sound studio was next to his bio instead. His twitter profile had the same bio the radio station had, though it did have a link to a SoundCloud page though which blew Jackson’s mind. The music, the production and the lyrics were all _so_ good and Jackson could connect to almost all of them on a personal level. He honestly believed this guy was behind the wrong kind of microphone. He should have his songs playing on the radio, not being the one playing them. Jackson even downloaded one that spoke to him more than any of the others and made it his ringtone. 

He downloaded the university's app that allowed him clear listening to the radio station and listened to it for about two weeks to see if it offered anything else, and while a few other DJs weren't bad, none of them really drew him in the way Defsoul had. None of them had him checking the time and brought him back like Defsoul did every Tuesday and Thursday night. 

Defsoul wasn't always serious, thank god. As much as Jackson desperately needed that heavy, serious conversation the other night, he didn't want to have an existential crisis twice a week. Defsoul's lighter segments were just as entertaining, or perhaps endearing might have been a better word. He went on for like twenty minutes about his cat once and it was honestly the cutest thing. He didn't play a lot of his own music, but usually once a week he'd play one of his own compositions, sometimes Jackson would have heard them on Defsoul's SoundCloud but sometimes they'd feature more of Defsoul's friends and Jackson wished he could record the radio because this Defsoul and his friends had _so_ much talent. 

Every show Defsoul would come up with a question that would cover the theme for his whole four hour show. He'd post it on twitter and ask listeners to go and let him know their thoughts. Jackson truthfully wasn't normally one to comment on things like that, but when he checked Defsoul's twitter page, not a single person had commented, liked or retweeted. 

Deciding that Defsoul was far too talented a human being to have _no one_ respond to his posts, Jackson spent fifteen minutes trying to remember for the password for the spare twitter account he'd made in high school that he'd used to retweet contests and promotions that he didn't want the followers on his main account seeing so that he could respond. He always made sure to leave at least one comment, even if nothing had really jumped out at him as life changing in Defsoul's show, he tried to leave _something_ so that the man would know how much Jackson appreciated what he did. 

Sometimes he'd use his normal twitter account too and, yes, sometimes that made him feel like a crazy stalker using two accounts to comment on the same post, but it was also kind of fun. He could say things as J-Flawless—don't judge him, he wasn't the one to come up with the nickname—that he'd never say using his own name. Nothing bad, Jackson wasn't about spreading hate in person or online, but he enjoyed making silly, ridiculous comments that he hoped made Defsoul smile. 

His favourite thing to comment was 'chic and sexy.' It had started after Defsoul had played one of his originals that was one hundred percent about sex. But like, classy sex? It wasn't vulgar or explicit but strangely poetic and romantic and the only thing that had come to Jackson's mind was chic and sexy; so he'd commented that. Defsoul had read it out loud during the next segment with a laugh was somehow sounded more genuine than others Jackson had heard on air and Jackson took pride in that for like a week. It was like an ongoing joke between the two of them now, at least Jackson hoped it was. Jackson told him he was chic and sexy about once a week and Defsoul would usually have a laugh about it on air, thanking J-Flawless for being so dependable with his compliments. 

Jackson made it one of his life goals to try to get Defsoul to say his name on air as much as possible, which he surprisingly did fairly often did often, either his real name—which made Jackson scream into his pillow until his roommate Bambam yelled at him to stop being so psychotic—or J-Flawless which just made Jackson smile like a lunatic to himself in his room. 

Despite all his efforts, he couldn't manage to find a photo of Defsoul. Which was fine; the man put enough of himself and his personal life on the radio during his shows and Jackson completely understood why he wouldn't want the whole internet knowing what his face looked like too. But he was curious. He enjoyed imagining what Jaebeom might look like. Given his fondness for deep thinking and existential questions Jackson usually pictured him as either someone who enjoyed sweater vests and classic literature, or a hipster who hated everything. 

≪ ≫

Months later found Jackson getting a job; his foreign student fees were absurdly high and his fondness for being able to afford both a place to live _and_ food made it necessary to supplement the income he got from his parents and from scholarships. He found a hole in the wall cafe not too far off campus that was hiring and stayed open later than most cafes around the area which meant that Jackson got decent hours in working there. It was a bonus when he realized the owner had had the radio set to the campus radio station, his co-worker explaining that their manager used to work at the campus radio station and liked having it on to support some of the lucky the fourth years who got to run their own programs as a final summative assessment project. 

He tried asking his boss if he knew who Defsoul was but the man hadn't worked at the station for like twenty years and only knew Defsoul the way Jackson did, through his show on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He offered to do some asking around but Jackson decided that was too creepy and waved him off, stating that he was only curious. 

He found himself dreading the end of the year as more time passed. If Defsoul was in fourth year than he would be graduating and his radio program would be ending. He'd come so far from when he started, gaining over two thousand followers and a pretty good following online. His program was one of the most popular student run programs and Jackson honestly felt like such a proud dad when he went onto Defsoul's twitter page and now saw dozens of comments and retweets and likes on Defsoul's posts, remembering the days where his two accounts had been the only comments. 

Defsoul wasn't really one to like comments back or respond on Twitter, but he usually read comments on air and maybe Jackson was being delusional, but he seemed to read out Jackson's, or J-Flawless', on a regular basis, once even asking for clarification on something Jackson had said and having a whole conversation through twitter and the radio. 

Jackson wished he had a way to figure out who Defsoul was before the end of term in two months. He wasn't ready for Defsoul to just disappear, wasn't ready to lose the smooth and sexy voice that seemed to reach out and touch Jackson's soul with his words and his insights and his music. 

The bells attached to the door jerked Jackson from his Defsoul induced fantasy and his gaze turned to the front door. “Who is that beautiful specimen of human who just walked in here.” Jackson whispered in awe as he stared at the man who had just entered the cafe. 

Mark, his co-worker, looked up from where he was re-stacking cups. He paused before sending a raised eyebrow in Jackson's direction. "You mean my boyfriend?"

Jackson hadn't even realized that Jinyoung had entered the cafe behind the handsome stranger.

Jinyoung was a new regular. He was Jackson's roommate for the first year of school and had started going to the cafe because of Jackson; he _continue_d to go because of Jackson's hot co-worker.

"No, the person with your boyfriend."

"One of Jinyoung's friends. They went to high school together. I've met him once but I can't remember his name." Mark replied.

Jackson wondered why he'd never met this gorgeous friend of Jinyoung. He'd known Jinyoung way longer. How dare that asshole hide his hot friends from Jackson like this. 

"He's beautiful."

Mark snorted and went back to stacking his cups.

Jackson watched as the guy walked towards the counter, taking advantage of the fact that the man's eyes were on the menu board above him to let his own eyes wander. His undercut was dyed a stunning copper-bronze shade and was styled so artfully messy that Jackson couldn't decide if it was intentional or not. His features were so sharp and masculine and intense Jackson felt like he could stare at his man's face for hours and not get bored. A leather jacket rested across his broad shoulders just right, hanging open over a plain black T-shirt and paired with tight ripped jeans and worn leather boots. Piercings were scattered throughout both his ears and several necklaces were hanging against his chest. He embodied the bad boy stereotype that Jackson didn't know he was so weak for until this moment. 

He almost jumped when the man's dark eyes shifted from the menu board to meet his own. "I've never been here before; do you have any recommendations for me? I'm not fond of sweet things though."

Holy. Shit. 

Jackson was _sure_ he'd heard that voice before. Jackson listened to that voice all the time. He'd been listening to that voice not even ten minutes ago on Soundcloud while on his break. Jackson sometimes rearranged his entire day just for the purposes of listening to _that voice_. 

He was pretty sure this insanely beautiful human was Defsoul. 

"The coffee is pretty good." Mark said, saving Jackson from looking like an absolute idiot since he was just standing there staring at his brain short-circuited. 

The man transferred his attention to Mark instead. "Not really in the mood for something hot."

_You're plenty hot as it is_, Jackson thought, watching as the guy made his way to the register where Mark had moved. 

"Iced coffee then." Mark suggested. 

Just when Jackson thought that Defsoul couldn't get any more attractive, he went and smiled. He somehow went from smoking hot and broody to squishy and adorable when he smiled and Jackson was already so in love with him. 

"Iced coffee sounds good." He said.

Jackson grabbed a cup as Mark entered the order for Defsoul to pay. "Name?" Jackson asked, wondering if he was being obvious as he picked up the sharpie they used to write names on cups during rushes. 

Defsoul raised an eyebrow at Jackson before looking around at the virtually empty cafe, the only four customers in the building already had cups on the tables next to them. His eyebrow was clearly saying _'I'm literally the only one here. I am the only person who has ordered something.'_

Jackson flashed him a smile. "Sorry, habit." He said, dropping the marker and getting to work making the iced coffee, disappointed Defsoul hadn't given his name. 

He finished quickly and set it on the counter. "Iced coffee." He said, pulling Defsoul's attention away from his phone. 

"Thanks." Defsoul said as he picked up his drink and went to join Jinyoung at the booth Jinyoung had claimed already. 

"I'm going on break." Mark said, stepping out from behind the counter and following Jaebeom over, sliding in next to his boyfriend.

Jackson _tried_ not to be obvious about staring at Defsoul every ten seconds but he was pretty sure he was not successful. He _tried_ to keep himself busy by washing dirty dishes, wiping counters and rearranging food in the display case, but he was _definitely_ not successful because Mark told him to 'stop fucking staring' when he came back around the counter fifteen minutes later. 

"I can't!" Jackson hissed. "He's literally the most stunning human being I have ever seen in my whole life. How am I supposed to just _not_ look at him?" He didn't mention anything about the handsome stranger being Defsoul because he had zero evidence other than the fact that he thought they sounded alike. 

Mark just rolled his eyes and muttered that Jackson was lucky the guy was not only gorgeous, but oblivious as well.

≪ ≫

Defsoul came back into the cafe about a week and a half later. It was during the evening rush and Jackson didn't even know he was there until he placed an iced coffee on the counter and called out "Jaebeom," only to be greeted with a handsome face and a quiet thank you as Defsoul picked up the cup and turned around to leave again. 

Jackson barely had the chance to register the name Jaebeom before Mark was shouting another order at him and Jackson was moving on autopilot, picking up a new cup and starting to work on the next drink.

The third time Defsoul—_Jaebeom_—came in Jackson was working alone. It was less than an hour to closing and the cafe was empty except for a student who had fallen asleep on her laptop keyboard almost two hours ago and looked so exhausted Jackson hadn't had the heart to wake her up. She probably had about six hundred pages of the letter 'H' typed into her essay though. 

Jackson had been using the time to practice stacking cups pyramids and taking them down as fast as he could, looking for something impressive he could show customers. He couldn't flip the bottles of flavoured syrups like Mark could and his latte art looked like it was made by a toddler. He wanted to have _some_ interesting talent that he could brag about that wouldn't be relevant anywhere else in his life other than in this temporary job. 

He was just about to tear them down when a voice interrupted him. "Hey."

Jackson jumped, the cups in his hands cascading onto the ground as Jackson looked up to see Jaebeom stepping up to the counter. 

Jackson looked at the cups rolling around his feet and wondered if Jaebeom happened to notice his colossal fail. Noticing the amused smile on Jaebeom's face, Jackson resigned himself to the fact that he had. "I'm still practicing. I swear I'm getting better." Jackson said defensively as he moved to the register. 

"If you say so." Jaebeom said with a smile and Jackson had the fleeting thought he'd knock an entire sleeve of store cups on the floor if he needed to to keep Jaebeom smiling at him like that. He couldn't get over his different Jaebeom looked from his over-serious neutral expression to this squishy adorable human when he smiled. 

"What can I get you?" Jackson asked.

"Small iced coffee please," Jaebeom said, pulling a bill out of his wallet and passing it to Jackson, who quickly entered the order and gave Jaebeom his change before getting to work on the drink. 

He was almost finished when Jaebeom asked, "Is this the campus radio station?" 

Jackson looked up, surprised by the question. "Yeah. The manager of this place used to work there. We have it on all the time." He explained, setting the finished drink on the counter. 

Jaebeom had an unreadable expression on his face as he reached out and picked it up. Jackson wondered if Jaebeom would bring up his own show and then panicked about how he was supposed to have a casual conversation with someone he idolized so much about his show. 

But Jaebeom just smiled, his eyes flicking down to the nametag pinned to Jackson's chest. "Thanks Jacks…son," his voice trailed off and Jackson started panicking again at the thoughtful look on Jaebeom's face as his eyes rose to meet Jackson's again. 

_Oh my god he knew._ There was no way he didn't put the pieces together. How many Jacksons could there possibly be in Korea? And Jackson had just admitted that he listened to the station all the time. 

He _knew_ he shouldn't have used his own name to send in comments. 

He waited for Jaebeom to say something but Jaebeom just sent him another smile, this one somehow warmer than the smiles Jackson had seen from him so far. “See you next time.”

“I’ll be here.” Jackson said lamely as he waved Jaebeom out of the store. 

≪ ≫

“I need your advice tonight,” Defsoul’s—_Jaebeom’s_—voice came through the speaker on Jackson’s phone the night after the cup stacking incident. 

Jackson lowered his textbook and glanced over at it. That was new. He couldn't recall a time where Jaebeom had asked listeners for advice before.

“I think I met a longtime listener and supporter of the show.”

Jackson stopped breathing. Oh my god. He _knew_ it. 

“I’m trying to decide if I should tell him or if it would be creepy if I just walk up to him and go ‘hey, I’m Defsoul.’” Jaebeom laughed self-deprecatingly. “I just want to thank him, you know? He’s been listening for pretty much as long as I’ve been on the air and it seems like I can always count on him. I just want him to know how much I appreciate having such a dedicated listener."

Jackson felt soft before reminding himself that it might not be him. Maybe Jaebeom was talking about someone else. He was weirdly saddened by that thought though. Defsoul meant a lot to Jackson and now that he knew Jaebeom to an extent as well he felt almost closer to him as a person. He wanted to be as important to Jaebeom as the listener he just described was. 

Regardless of whether or not it was him, Jackson opened his twitter and went to Jaebeom's page, the question of the night pinned to the top as always. There were already a few comments. Jackson remembered the first time he had done this, where he had been the only one commenting. He smiled, pleased that Jaebeom had been able to reach and connect with so many people over the past few months. He deserved it.

** _Tell him._ ** He commented, making sure to use his personal twitter account so that if Jaebeom had been talking about him, he’d know that Jackson was open to the idea of being approached about being a longtime listener of his show.

≪ ≫

He had to wait over a week for Jaebeom to come back into the cafe, and he brought Jinyoung with him when he did. 

“Hey Sseunie,” Jinyoung said when Jackson waved at them.

“How’s it going? Mark still sick or is he lying about that to avoid coming to work?” Jackson asked, leaning his elbows against the counter as he sent the pair a half grin. He hadn't seen Mark for a week, a cheerful game production student named Youngjae from the year below Jackson had been filling in for most of Mark's shifts and Jackson loved him so much he almost didn't want Mark to come back.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “Trust me, I wish he was lying. He’s such a baby when he’s sick.”

“Ah, so you have come to the cafe seeking solitude from him.”

Jinyoung smiled. “Of course not. I’ve come as the kind and caring boyfriend to bring him tea and sustenance.”

Jackson raised an eyebrow at him. “Well that doesn’t sound like you at all.”

Jinyoung’s smile grew. “I never said I was leaving _now_ to bring it to him. Bring me my usual at my usual table,” he said, tossing his card onto the counter before turning and walking away.

“And there is the Jinyoung we all know and love,” Jackson said to his retreating back before turning his gaze to Jaebeom.

He was wearing that leather jacket again, the one he’d been wearing when Jackson had first seen him that somehow made his shoulders look even broader than they actually were, which was already pretty fucking broad. “And what can I get for you Jaebeom-ssi?”

Jaebeom looked surprised. “You know my name?”

Whoops. His brain battled with itself to not make some flirty comment about never forgetting a pretty face that his mouth would no doubt mess up and make him sound like either an idiot or a creep. “Mark said you’ve been friends with Jinyoung for years. That either makes you some kind of hero or just like Jinyoung and in either situation I thought it’d be good to remember your name,” he said. 

“Rude,” Jinyoung said as Jaebeom smiled widely at Jackson, clearly appreciating humour at Jinyoung’s expense.

“You’ve been friends with Jinyoung for years,” He said, walking closer to the counter. “What does that say about you?”

“Oh, that I’m a hero who befriends sociopaths in my spare time and tries to rehabilitate them. Obviously,” Jackson replied.

“Obviously,” Jaebeom replied, his smile growing even wider. Fuck Jackson loved this man’s smile. Jaebeom’s eyes went up to the menu. “Have anything to help ward off a cold? I haven’t been feeling the best the past few days.”

“Hyung he’s a barista not a pharmacist,” Jinyoung said.

Both Jackson and Jaebeom ignored him. 

"Lemon ginger tea with honey," Jackson replied, pointing to the tea menu. 

Jaebeom nodded. "Sounds good. I'll take a large."

Jackson nodded back and punched in Jaebeom's tea, his jaw dropping when, instead of pulling his own card out of his wallet, Jaebeom picked up Jinyoung's off the counter, a sly smile crossing his face as he tapped it against the machine, the computer processing the payment before either Jackson or Jinyoung could stop him. 

Jackson stared at him for a few seconds. "Oh my god you're just like Jinyoung."

Jaebeom laughed loudly, sending Jackson a wink before heading over to where Jinyoung was already berating Jaebeom for using his money to buy his 'gross ass tea.'

Jackson's stood still for longer than he should have, trying to commit the wink to memory before shaking his head and moving on with processing payment for Jinyoung's order and then making both their drinks. 

He was delayed in delivering their orders by a pair of girls who ordered coffee that had so many espresso shots added to it Jackson thought they might as well just do cocaine and get it over with. They left him a good tip though. 

"Sorry," Jackson apologized as he brought Jaebeom and Jinyoung their orders. "Your tea," he said as he set it in front of Jaebeom. "And coffee almost as black as your soul," he told Jinyoung, who grinned at him as he took a sip of coffee so hot that it would have burned several layers of skin off Jackson's tongue.

Jackson rolled his eyes. “Have fun planning world domination or whatever it is you two like to do in your spare time.” 

“Why don’t you join us?” Jaebeom asked, looking at Jackson curiously.

“I can’t, I’m working,” Jackson replied before his brain had fully processed what Jaebeom had asked, simply going into ‘hot guy just asked to spend time with me but I need time to process this and to mentally prepare myself’ mode.

“Jackson there is no one here,” Jinyoung said. “Just sit facing the door and get up if someone comes in.”

_ That wasn’t the problem Jinyoung. _

Still, with no other obvious excuse, Jackson relented. It wasn’t like he _wanted_ to say no; he’d honestly love nothing more than to be able to get to know Jaebeom better. But Jackson was fairly well known for making an idiot of himself when he was nervous and men who looked like Jaebeom tended to make Jackson nervous. Nevermind the fondness and respect Jackson had for Defsoul. He wanted to make a good impression. 

He slid into the seat next to Jinyoung, relieved Jinyoung had taken the seat facing the door and Jackson at the very least wouldn't have to sit next to Jaebeom. But he realized the error of that thinking when he sat down and noticed the only thing for him to look was, in fact, Jaebeom. 

He'd gotten his nose pierced. Jackson didn't know how on earth he'd missed the microscopic diamond that rested stop the right side of Jaebeom's nose. Of course, it looked perfect.

“Did you get your nose pierced?” Jackson blurted, cursing himself once again for probably looking like a stalker when Jaebeom looked at him in surprise. He really needed to stop knowing/ noticing things about Jaebeom that a random barista had no business knowing.

“I did,” Jaebeom replied with a smile, his hand going up to lightly touch the stud.

“Did it hurt?” Jackson asked, only having ever pierced one of his ears.

Jaebeom shook his head. “Not really, no. These ones hurt more,” He added, pointing to some of the rings looped through his ears. 

"Oh," Jackson said lamely and then began to panic because he had nothing left to say and the silence was about to stretch too long to be considered comfortable and oh my _god_ how could Jackson literally get told on a weekly basis that he talked too much but somehow have _nothing_ to say in this moment?

"So you're a student at the university, right?" Jaebeom asked, leaning his elbows on the table as he studied Jackson. 

"Yeah, third year." Jackson replied. "I'm in nutrition."

Jaebeom looked intrigued. "I've never met anyone in nutrition before."

"He's in fencing too," Jinyoung said, his eyes moving between the two. "And he also spent like a week in crisis at the end of first year because he wanted to go into music production too."

Jaebeom leaned a little bit closer. "You're into music production?" He looked at Jinyoung. "Wait, did you just say _fencing_? Like...with swords?"

Jackson nodded a bit sheepishly. "Yeah, though they aren't called swords but… Well, yeah. It's taken me a while to figure out what I want to do I guess." He wished he had a drink of his own that he could distract himself with. Having nothing in his hands to fidget with was harder than he thought it would be. 

"I completely understand," Jaebeom said with a comforting smile. 

_I know you do_, Jackson wanted to say. _You helped me feel at ease with my indecision and I want to thank you for that but I have no idea how. _

"So what kind of music are you into?" 

Jackson and Jaebeom talked for well over an hour, Jinyoung seemingly content to ignore and be ignored, only inserting his comments sparingly. The flow of conversation continued in and around customers and even though Jackson had think sometimes, make sure the things he said wouldn't make it obvious he knew who Jaebeom was, talking to Defsoul in person only made Jackson love him more. 

He was so intelligent and creative and yet sometimes just so dumb and adorable that Jackson realized that he might actually be in serious trouble with this one. Yes, he'd loved Defsoul for a while but it was the kind of love one had for an idol or an actor: the distant kind where you knew would never cross the line into anything that would be reciprocated. The kind where you knew that the person you loved was only a version of the real person, an image that they wanted to project. 

But now he didn't just know Defsoul. He knew _Jaebeom_. And he had a feeling that everything he knew about Defsoul was only just scratching the surface at the incredible human that was Im Jaebeom. 

The conversation only stopped because Jinyoung had to go take care of Mark and Jaebeom had to go prepare for his show—though he never actually said that, only that he had to go to work. 

Taking something of a leap of faith, Jackson made a comment about how one of his favourite shows was about to come on the radio and how Jackson would have loved to listen to it with Jaebeom. He thought the DJ and Jaebeom seemed to have a lot in common. 

Jaebeom had stared at him; Jackson had stared back and wished that he had either the ability to read minds or the courage to just outright ask if Jaebeom was Defsoul. 

But neither of those things happened. Jaebeom had sent him a look that Jackson couldn't decipher and a quiet 'maybe some other time' before leaving with Jinyoung. 

When Jackson got around to checking his phone once his shift was over he noticed he had a text message from Jinyoung that had been sent hours ago. ** _Watching you and Jaebeom flirt obliviously with each other is almost as bad as sitting with a sick Mark. You owe me free coffee for a week._ **

Jackson smiled. Still worth it. 

≪ ≫

Jackson was humming idly to himself as he locked up the cafe the following week, his mind only on his bed and the fact that tomorrow was Saturday and he’d get to sleep in.

“Jackson.”

Jackson stifled his scream and barely managed to avoid dropping his keys as he whirled around to see a dark figure approaching the cafe, only recognizing it as Jaebeom when the other man stepped closer to the exterior lights. “Oh my god you _asshole_, I almost died,” Jackson scolded, slumping back against the door and pressing a hand over his pounding heart. “What the hell are you doing creeping around here at night like some kind of murderer?”

Jaebeom smiled apologetically. “Sorry, I should have thought that through better.”

Jackson shot him a final glare before taking a deep breath and zipping his keys into his bag. “What are you even doing here in the middle of the night?”

“I wanted to see you.”

Jackson froze, his fingers still on the zipper of his bag, and looked up in confusion, certain he’d misheard. “Me?”

Jaebeom smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I wanted to ask you something.”

"Oh, uh, okay," Jackson said, panicking a little. "What do you need?"

A flicker of what Jackson thought might have been nervousness crossed Jaebeom's face. "You're… You're Jackson Wang, right?"

Jackson looked at him, absolutely lost as to where this conversation was going. "Yeah…?" He answered. Jaebeom already knew that. 

Jaebeom looked almost flustered. "No, I mean the Jackson Wang who comments… I mean the one who listens to…" he cut himself off, running his fingers through his hair and looking comically frustrated. 

Had Jaebeom come all the way to the cafe in the middle of the night just to ask Jackson that? If Jackson was the one that listened to his show and commented on his Twitter posts? Jackson had kind of assumed that Jaebeom had forgotten about it. He’d had plenty of opportunity to ask Jackson about it over the past week; he'd come into the cafe almost everyday, usually lingering at the pick up counter just talking to Jackson. 

But he hadn’t said anything about Jackson being the listener he'd been talking about that night on air. Jackson had been a bit bummed about it if he was honest, assuming that it really might not have been him that Jaebeom had been talking about that night. 

But here Jaebeom was, struggling to get the words out, words that Jackson himself been trying to figure out for weeks. Deciding that if Jaebeom was brave enough to come all the way here only to stumble at the finish line, then Jackson could help carry him across it. “Yes, I’m the Jackson Wang that listens to Defsoul’s radio show and that comments on your Twitter posts all the time.”

Jaebeom just stared at him for a moment and Jackson heart nearly stopped beating for the second time in two minutes because _oh my god_ he was _wrong_ and that _wasn't_ what Jaebeom had been about to ask about at all. 

But then Jaebeom smiled at him and it was probably the brightest thing that Jackson had ever seen. Brighter than even Youngjae’s smile, brighter than the sun, brighter than those goddamned LED car headlights that nearly made Jackson drive off the road every time. “Do you…want to grab a coffee or something?” Jaebeom asked softly, looking almost shy. 

“I’d love to,” Jackson said honestly, trying to fight a smile off his face. 

The only good thing about living and working near a university campus is that college students were essentially zombies and held no reasonable sleep schedule so there was a twenty four hour coffee shop about a ten minute walk from Jackson’s work. It served terrible coffee, but Jackson didn’t really care. If he’d known how great it was to actually talk to Defsoul he would have told Jaebeom when he first recognized his voice weeks ago. 

At first Jackson admitted it was awkward as hell at first but they soon got lost in the conversation and in each other. He hadn’t realized just how many questions he’d had stored up until he had the opportunity to ask them: what were you thinking when you wrote that song? Did you do well on that exam that you were worried about? What were the different futures you were trying to choose between during that show that Jackson tuned into for the first time?

He hadn't anticipated Jaebeom having so many questions for him as well, but he seemed to have no shortage of them: what was going on in your life when you left that comment? What was it in particular that drew you into my show? What did you mean when you said this?

It was the longest Jackson had ever spent talking to Jaebeom and certainly the longest he'd ever spent with Jaebeom on his own and while the other times had made him somewhat nervous and panicked, tonight just felt…comfortable. Like he was seeing an old friend for the first time in a long time and they were catching up on everything they'd missed. It made him wonder if he was ever really afraid of Jaebeom or just afraid that he'd say something he shouldn't and out himself as a fanboy. 

Jaebeom didn't seem to think of him that way and truly seemed to value Jackson's ideas and reactions and thanked Jackson about twenty times over the course of the night for listening and supporting the show. Jackson didn't know the right words to thank Jaebeom back and hoped his own simple thank yous were enough. 

It was after two in the morning before the conversation started to die down, both of their minds slowing and yawns beginning to break up sentences. 

"We've been here for like four hours; we should probably go home." Jaebeom said, his reluctance clear as he looked at Jackson. 

"Can we…do this again sometime?" Jackson asked as he played with the paper sleeve wrapped around his long-emptied coffee cup. "I just… I really had a good time tonight," he admitted, looking up at Jaebeom 

Jaebeom smiled. "I did too. I would love to do this again."

They exchanged numbers outside the cafe and Jackson sucked up his courage and went in for a hug before the two parted ways. Jaebeom seemed to tense in surprise before wrapping his arms securely around Jackson. 

"Night hyung," Jackson said quietly. 

"Goodnight Jackson-ah," Jaebeom replied, his voice soft and low in Jackson's ear and goosebumps peppered Jackson skin in response. 

There had always been something about the way Jaebeom said Jackson's name that had made Jackson smile like an idiot whenever Jaebeom read out his comments on air. But hearing it in person? Softly uttered into the stillness of the night while having Jaebeom's arms wrapped around him? Hearing Jaebeom say his name was so different, so _intimate_ that Jackson shivered a little. 

"Are you cold?" Jaebeom asked, pulling back. 

Jackson hoped it was dark enough to hide his blush. "No, I—"

"Here," Jaebeom said, stepping back and pulling off his leather jacket. The one Jackson thought looked like it was made just for him. He tossed it around Jackson's shoulders, looking down at him fondly as he pulled it closed in front of Jackson's chest. 

It smelled so good. 

"Won't you be cold?" Jackson asked numbly, only half noticing that Jaebeom was just wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt. 

Jaebeom just waved him off. "I'll be okay. I live close by."

Jackson did too, but he was quite reluctant to give up the jacket. If Jaebeom was insisting, who was Jackson to argue with him? "Thank you."

Jaebeom tugged the jacket closed one more time, his eyes warm as he studied Jackson. "Text me when you get home. I'll see you soon."

≪ ≫

And he did. Jaebeom started coming into the cafe even more frequently, often coming in just before closing on the nights Jackson closed alone and helping Jackson with things like sweeping and carrying out the garbage. He'd taken to walking Jackson home after that and even though Jackson did not need anyone walking him home and was far more capable of kicking someone's ass than Jaebeom was, he liked the company and the fact that Jaebeom thought of him as someone worth protecting. 

It was one such night when Jackson got a text message that derailed his plans. His feet slowing to a stop on the sidewalk as he frowned down at his phone. 

"Jackson? Everything okay?" Jaebeom asked worriedly, stopping next to Jackson. 

Jackson looked up at him. "Bambam, my roommate, just texted me and told me not to come home because there is a zubat in our kitchen." He said, puzzled. 

Jaebeom looked even more worried. "There is a _what_ in your kitchen? Should we call animal control or something? Will he be okay?"

Jackson smiled at Jaebeom's concern. "Well considering a zubat is a Pokemon I assume he'll be fine on his own."

Jaebeom blinked at him before his expression morphed from concern to confusion. "He told you not to come home because there is an imaginary creature in your kitchen?" He sounded concerned for Bambam's mental health at this point. 

Jackson laughed and shook his head. "No—well, technically yes. Bambam thinks he needs to invent these weird stories in order for me to not ask questions and just believe him. He probably genuinely thinks a zubat is a type of bat. He just wants me out of the apartment and, with him, it's easier to just go along with it. His excuses could be covering for a wide range of scenarios from he's having his boyfriend over to he ate my leftovers because he was too lazy to cook and needs twelve hours to replace them in hopes that I won't notice."

Jaebeom laughed. "So where will you go?"

Jackson shrugged, wondering that himself. "I usually crash at Jinyoung's." He had a few other friends he could ask, but Bambam left it awfully late this time to tell him to stay away.

"Mark is at Jinyoung's." Jaebeom said. "You probably don't want to go there."

Jackson sighed. Sexiled from his house and his backup house. "Great." 

He was opening his contact list to see who might not mind a late night visitor when Jaebeom continued. "Just stay at my place."

"Just…" Jackson took a moment to process what Jaebeom had just offered. "Seriously?"

Jaebeom shrugged, looking a bit uneasy. "I mean, you don't _have_ to. But if you _want_ to, I'd love to have you. For the night, I mean." He added, looking somewhat flustered. "I'd love to have you stay the night."

Jackson smiled and tried to figure out how someone who dressed and looked like he would punch his own mother in the face was somehow the most adorable human being Jackson had ever met. 

He slid his phone back into his pocket. "Thanks hyung,"

≪ ≫

Jaebeom's apartment was nice, though Jackson didn't see much of it before throwing himself onto the floor when a small ball of fluff came trotting into the room to greet them. "Nora! Oh my god look at you. You're so much more beautiful in person," Jackson cooed, letting the cat sniff his fingers carefully. 

Nora was the only thing Jaebeom posted on twitter with any kind of regularity. He talked about her on his show often enough and some of the questions Jackson had submitted on twitter that Jaebeom had read on air had been about Nora. "I'm honestly a little star-struck right now," Jackson said as Nora played with the strings off a rope bracelet he was wearing. 

"Wow, okay. I think next Tuesday's question will be 'is it normal to be jealous of your cat?'" Jaebeom muttered. 

Jackson laughed and turned to send Jaebeom a grin. "Don't worry hyung, you're still my favourite."

"You sure about that?" Jaebeom asked with a smile. "You weren't this excited to meet me for the first time."

Jackson sat up. "Oh my god you have no idea how much I was _losing_ it internally. Ask Mark. He had to listen to me go on about how hot you are for like four hours after you left."

Jaebeom's grin turned smug. "You think I'm hot?"

Jackson blinked. "I'm sorry, have you never seen yourself?"

Jaebeom looked a bit shy as he ducked his head to hide his smile and Jackson couldn't stop his fond smile from growing. Still sitting on the floor, Jackson looked around. 

It was surprisingly empty and clean. Not much of anything on the walls, simple furniture in clean bright colours. It didn't seem to match Jaebeom's image at all, but it was comfortable and inviting all the same. 

"Thanks for letting me stay here," he said, pushing himself up off the floor before crossing to sit next to Jaebeom. 

"It's no trouble," Jaebeom said, turning to face him. "I mean, you'll have to sleep on the couch so _you_ might be the one thinking it's troublesome."

Jackson pressed his hand into the cushion beside him. It was squishy and the material was soft and Jackson had slept on far _far_ worse. "It's fine, really. I appreciate the offer," he said with a smile. 

"I'll get you something to change into," Jaebeom said, eyeing Jackson's skinny jeans. "Those won't be comfortable."

Jaebeom had given Jackson a simple pair of sweatpants and a hoodie but they smelled so good that Jackson was half tempted to ask if he could buy them from Jaebeom. 

The pair raided all the junk food that Jaebeom had in his apartment—which was hardly any—and stayed up till well past midnight watching cringey variety shows, laughing and wincing at the stupid things the MCs forced their guests to do. 

When they decided to call it a night Jaebeom went to find some blankets for Jackson, handing them over with a gentle smile and a soft, "goodnight Jackson."

It wasn't the first time Jaebeom had wished him goodnight, he'd done it plenty of times over text. But hearing it in person, hearing the softness of his tone and seeing the fondness on Jaebeom's face was a whole new thing that Jackson instantly wanted to experience more often. 

"Sleep tight," he said as Jaebeom collected Nora and headed into his bedroom, closing the door quietly behind them. 

Jackson got himself settled on the couch, rearranging cushions and pillows until he was comfortable. Then he just stared at the ceiling and tried to figure out how on Earth he'd ended up here. How he'd gone from finding Defsoul out of pure desperation for something to quiet the voices in his head to wearing Jaebeom's clothing and sleeping on his couch. It was like some kind of dream. Things like that didn't just happen in real life, and they certainly didn't happen to Jackson. 

Jaebeom was so imperfectly perfect and with every day Jackson swore he slid closer to falling off that ledge into _feelings_. With a smile on his face Jackson rolled over and nuzzled more deeply into his pillows. Even if it was some kind of dream, Jackson hoped that he never woke up. 

≪ ≫

Jackson was awake first the next morning. Sure it was Saturday and he should be sleeping but he was so used to waking up at five to go to the gym every morning before class that for him seven a.m. was sleeping in. 

But for normal people like Jaebeom seven on a Saturday morning was the crack of dawn so Jackson wasn't surprised that he wasn't up yet. 

Which was fine, Jaebeom worked hard and deserved all the rest he wanted. But it left Jackson in a decidedly uncomfortable position of being awake in someone else's home without them being there with him. 

He wasted some time going through his social media accounts. He sat up and looked around Jaebeom's apartment some more, wanting to be nosy and snoop but knowing that wasn't okay so he kept his ass on the couch and only looked closer at what he could see from there. 

A stack of books on the end table, a few of the names written across the spines were familiar, but others weren't. There seemed to be no consistent author or genre to the pile and a few of them had bookmarks tucked within the pages, indicating that Jaebeom was likely reading several of them at once. 

There was a bulletin board hung in the kitchen with photos tacked to it that eventually lured Jackson off the couch to get a closer look. They seemed to have been taken by Jaebeom and had all kinds of different subjects: Nora, cityscapes, sunsets, a variety of people that Jackson didn't recognize—though Jinyoung was in one of them. Jackson wondered if he would ever be considered an important enough person in Jaebeom's life to make it onto this board. 

He turned to go back to his couch when his gaze caught on the fridge and he realized how hungry he was. Some of the junk they'd eaten the night before was still on the coffee table but Jackson couldn't bring himself to eat any of it so early in the morning. 

He checked the time on his phone. Well, it _was_ eight thirty now. That wasn't that early anymore, right? Surely if Jackson made them both breakfast Jaebeom wouldn't be mad at being woken up early. Right?

Jackson crossed to the fridge and peeked inside. A lot of leftovers, some in takeout boxes and others in storage containers that Jackson suspected came from Jaebeom's parents' house. 

He pulled out a carton of eggs, opening it to find more than enough for breakfast. He eyed the rice cooker and wondered if he should do something fancier but eventually decided against it considering he wasn't sure if Jaebeom was a breakfast eater—Bambam never had anything other than coffee before noon—or if he was okay with Jackson helping himself to his food and his kitchen. So eggs it was. 

He had just finished plating the eggs and was reaching to cut up some fruit when he heard a door open behind him. 

"Jackson?" Jaebeom said through a yawn as he shuffled into the kitchen. His hair was sticking straight up in the back and his face was a bit swollen from sleep and Jackson thought that the huge difference between the Jaebeom he was used to seeing and _this_ version of him was nothing short of adorable. Jaebeom froze when he eyed the food Jackson had just set on the table. "You cooked?" He asked in surprise. 

"Uh, yeah. I hope that was okay?" Jackson asked nervously. 

"Smart, handsome, kind, funny _and_ you cook willingly? Just marry me already and get it over with," Jaebeom murmured so quietly as he sat down at the table Jackson was pretty sure he wasn't supposed to hear it. 

Which was good because his brain was too busy picturing the two of them in matching tuxedos on a beach at sunset to come up with an appropriate reply. 

"I, uh, hope it was okay that I used your food and your kitchen," Jackson said when his brain finally returned from their imaginary beachfront wedding. 

Jaebeom looked up at him. "Honestly? Please feel free to come and use it anytime you want. It's not like I know what to do with it."

Jackson smiled and went to finish cutting up fruit until Jaebeom scolded him and told him to just sit down and eat too. 

Having breakfast with Jaebeom was…something else. He'd eaten with Jaebeom dozens of times but being in Jaebeom's apartment, wearing Jaebeom's clothes, seeing how rumpled Jaebeom looked and how completely comfortable he seemed with having Jackson in his home was so incredibly different that it scared Jackson a little. Scared Jackson because of how right it felt, like _every_ morning should be spent eating with a Jaebeom who hadn't shaved yet, who still had creases on his cheek from his pillow. Scared at how hard it was when he got changed back into his own clothes and said goodbye because wearing Jaebeom’s things and being in his space was something Jackson didn’t know if he’d ever get to experience again. 

He hit the elevator button and waited, rubbing his chest to try and alleviate this heavy feeling that had settled there since left Jaebeom's apartment. Something like, loss? Wistfulness? 

He glanced back down the hallway that led to Jaebeom's apartment. Last night and this morning had felt different. Had felt cozy and intimate. Had felt like they were dating. Despite the fact that Jackson had slept on the couch, the pair of them watching television together, eating breakfast just felt different. Jackson had done both of those things a hundred times with Bambam but it felt _different_ when the person on the other side of the couch and across the table was Jaebeom. It was better. It made him happier. Bambam didn’t look at him the way Jaebeom did—not that Jackson wanted him to. Jaebeom looked at him like Jackson was the only thing in the world worth looking at.

He wanted to have Jaebeom look at him like that again, have Jaebeom look at him like that _all_ the time. He just had no idea what to do to get it. 

No, you know what? Fuck that. Of course he did. 

He heard the ding indicating the elevator had arrived as he was turning, ignoring the doors sliding open as he made his way back to Jaebeom's apartment and knocking on the door anxiously. 

It opened a moment later. "Your beanie," Jaebeom said with a fond smile as he held the black piece of cloth in his hand that Jackson hadn't even realized he'd left behind. "Though I might admit that it took you far less time to realize than I—"

"Will you go out with me?" Jackson interrupted.

Jaebeom's jaw literally fell open a bit. "Will I… What?"

"I just… I really like you. And I don't think I'm completely delusional in thinking that you like me back, at least a little." Jackson said, his determination wavering under Jaebeom's intense gaze. "I love spending time you and talking to you and last night and this morning were so different from how we usually hang out but it was _so_ much better and all I could think about as I waited for your elevator was how badly I wanted to do it again; how badly I wanted to see you again even though I'd literally just left your apartment." He shuffled a half step closer to Jaebeom. "Will you go out with me? Like on a date where we get to be annoyingly cute and cheesy and hold hands and I get to kiss you before we say goodnight." He said, blatantly showing his hopeless romantic side as he hoped Jaebeom wouldn't wouldn't turn him away. 

A slow smile had slowly crept its way across Jaebeom's face as Jackson talked and he reached out and put a hand on Jackson waist, pulling him even closer as he finished speaking. "Or I could just kiss you now and save us the waiting."

Jackson blinked, his brain kind of short circuiting because not only was Jaebeom saying yes, he was jumping over a few steps that Jackson considered to be very important. But then Jaebeom's gaze dropped to his lips and Jackson was pretty sure that the Earth would stop spinning if Jackson did not get to kiss him at that very second. "Yeah that could work too."

Jaebeom chuckled as he pulled Jackson even closer and brought their lips together. Jackson sighed as he felt the softness of Jaebeom’s lips against his, moving closer until he was pressed against Jaebeom’s chest, Jaebeom’s arm wrapping securely around Jackson’s waist to keep him there.

"Wait," Jackson asked a minute later, pulling back and placing his hands on Jaebeom's chest as something occurred to him. "Do I still get that date?"

Jaebeom chuckled and placed a kiss on Jackson's forehead before pulling him in close once more and wrapping his arms around him. "You can have as many as you want."

≪ ≫

Jaebeom's last radio show was a hard day for all of them. Jinyoung had willingly hosted a goodbye listening party at his place for a few of Jaebum's friends, though Jackson left twenty minutes before the end of the show, listening on his own as he walked to the studio where Jaebeom was. He was glad he was alone because he cried when Jaebeom signed off for the last time. Then cried again when Jaebeom left the studio about half an hour later, one of his arms filled with goodbye gifts from his coworkers and bosses. At least Jaebeom had cried with him then, his arm locked tightly around Jackson’s waist and his face buried in Jackson’s neck. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Jackson told him, smiling through his tears.

Jaebeom pulled back and wiped his cheeks dry. “No, none of that. Stop being proud of me because then I’ll cry and I _hate_ crying.”

Jackson rolled his eyes and leaned forward to kiss him lightly. “I don’t care, I am really fucking proud of what you managed to accomplish over these last few months, both as a listener and a genuine fan of your show and as your boyfriend.”

Jaebeom smiled at him in that soft way of his that made Jackson feel adored. “Thank you.”

“Also, you’re adorable when you cry.” Jackson said, reaching up and pinching Jaebeom's cheek before using his years of fencing training to dodge the playful kick that Jaebeom sent his way.

There was drinking and celebrating and more presents when they made it back to Jinyoung’s and Jackson was pleasantly tipsy by the time the others had managed to convince Jaebeom to say a speech, which was an indication that Jaebeom probably wasn’t entirely sober either. 

Despite being such a brilliant at speaking behind a microphone, actual people made Jaebeom nervous so he tried to be calm and cool as he spoke about how grateful he was for everyone’s support over the years and how he hoped he could continue to make them proud in the future as well.

“Ah,” Jackson cried, clutching a hand to his chest dramatically as everyone applauded Jaebeom’s impromptu speech. “So chic and sexy!”’ He laughed as he made his way into the kitchen for some water.

“What did you just say?” Jaebeom asked, voice strange as he detached himself from the crowd and followed Jackson into the next room.

Jackson turned to look at him as what he’d just said sunk in. He’d always been careful not to say anything too stupid using is own name. He’d always used J-Flawless to send that particular phrase Jaebeom’s way. “Oh god.” 

Jaebeom crowded him against the counter, one arm on the marbled surface on either side of Jackson’s waist. “Jackson, are you J-Flawless?” He asked, his voice doing that deep rumble thing that made Jackson’s knees weak.

“What? Me?” Jackson scoffed. “No way. Who would even pick that name? It's terrible.”

Jaebeom just smiled at him. “I agree. Why’d you choose it?”

Jackson stared at him helplessly for a moment before sighing and collapsing back against the counter. “It was a stupid nickname people on my old fencing team gave me.” He explained weakly. “I was unbeatable for like a month this one time so they started calling me flawless. It evolved into J-Flawless after a while.” He could feel himself blushing.

Jaebeom chuckled, leaning in to kiss one of Jackson’s pink cheeks. “That’s cute.”

“You just said it was terrible,” Jackson whined.

“You’re right,” Jaebeom agreed. “I guess it’s just you that’s cute then.”

Jackson whined again and leaned forward, burying his face in Jaebeom’s shoulder. “Can we please forget you found this out and pretend like I have a shred of dignity left?”

Jaebeom laughed and pulled Jackson closer. “You honestly don’t have to be _ this _ embarrassed,” he said. “Sure, you may have been cheesy and lame and—”

“Oh my god we have to break up,” Jackson says, trying to push his way out of Jaebeom’s arms. “I can’t do this.”

Jaebeom held him tighter and didn’t let him escape even an inch. “But they made me smile. They made me feel like I was doing something right.”

Jackson lifted his head. “Are you kidding me? Your show was the most popular one on the station!”

“At the end it was.” Jaebeom says, pride obvious in his voice. “But when I got your first message I’d only been on the air for two weeks. I was on my fourth show and felt like I had no idea what I was doing or if anyone was even listening. It's was just… It was nice to hear that someone cared. That I made a difference in someone's life, even if it was small."

Jackson wiggled his arms free so he could reach up and cup Jaebeom's face. "Jaebeom you have made so many differences, both small and big, in my life and in the lives of others. Through your radio show, yes, but also just by being _you_. That won’t change just because your show has ended."

Jaebeom looked shy and embarrassed and looked away to avoid making eye contact. "Still, knowing that I had someone I could rely on to support me even if I had a bad show, and I _knew_ it was bad, you still found something good to say about it that made it feel like less of a failure." He looked at Jackson then. "I can't tell you how much of a relief it was to know that people had my back and would still be there even if I stumbled."

Jackson hugged him close again. "Always, hyung. I'll always have your back."

"Thank you Jackson," Jaebeom murmured quietly against his skin. 

Jackson thought back to the first time he heard Jackson say his name through the speaker of his phone as Jaebeom read out a comment on air. And then again the first time he's said it to his face as he read Jackson name tag back in the cafe. 

He thought about how much respect he'd had for Jaebeom, how grateful he had been to find his radio station that day all those months ago. It seemed like a dream that they'd actually made there way to where they were now. His smile grew when he recalled having that same thought weeks ago before when he’d been sleeping on Jaebeom’s couch. Except this time he knew it wasn’t a dream; Jaebeom was real and he was Jackson’s. But he still wished that the two of them would never stop, that no matter what life had in store for them from here on out that the two of them would have what it takes to make them last forever.

* * *

** Lyrics ** **:**

This girl is like a dream

My wildest fantasy

And right when I think I’m gon’ wake up

She’s pullin’ me right back in

To serenity

Girl I can’t believe you’re so unreal

Oh it’s just somethin’ about the way you move

You’re like a flower in bloom

It’s crazy how you can make me

Forget what I’ve been doin’

Oh it’s a problem and growin’ more and more each day

Girl whisper your sweet nothings in my ear

‘Cause every word can speak to my soul

It’s outta my control

Oh when you say my name

It sounds like a song

And I’d listen all day long

Oh I don’t understand it

But I can’t turn it off

Baby don’t ever stop

Sweet talk to me babe

It’s magical

Sweet lullaby

Oh it’s so hypnotizin’

Sweet talk to me babe

It’s magical

I wanna hear you sing it every night

I can’t help this feelin’

Like I know your secrets

Hope it lasts forever, I want it, I want it

Whisperin’ so gently

Eyelids gettin’ heavy

Make it last forever, I want it, I want it

You make me ay, ay, ay

You got me driftin’ in and out of this slumber

You make me ay, ay, ay

I know for sure I never wanna wake up

Lovin’ the touch of your fingers

In my hair it still lingers

Tell me is it truth or fiction baby

Still can’t believe you and me are makin’ music each day

Anythin’ from your lips got me thinkin’ it’s all okay

I don’t need fortune or the fame

As long as I’m with you

Oh when you say my name

It sounds like a song

And I’d listen all day long

Oh I don’t understand it

But I can’t turn it off

Baby don’t ever stop  
  


Sweet talk to me babe

It’s magical

Sweet lullaby

Oh it’s so hypnotizin’

Sweet talk to me babe

It’s magical

I wanna hear you sing it every night

I can’t help this feelin’

Like I know your secrets

Hope it lasts forever, I want it, I want it

Whisperin’ so gently

Eyelids gettin’ heavy

Make it last forever, I want it, I want it

If I’m dreaming, don’t ever wake me up

I wanna hear your melody, the only thing I could need

‘Cause if I had to live without you I’d be lost

And in this moment, I want more

Sweet talk to me babe

It’s magical

Sweet lullaby

Oh it’s so hypnotizin’

Sweet talk to me babe

It’s magical

I wanna hear you sing it every night

Sweet talk to me babe

It’s magical

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know Lullaby is probably about sex but your girl is horrible at writing smut so you got more fluff instead. Hopefully you enjoyed it, I went more with the sound of someone's voice idea for this one.  
Only one more fic left in this series (unless you all are enjoying it and would like me to continue with Call My Name and their Japanese releases). Not sure when I'll get around to posting it though because things have kind of gone to hell for me over the past few weeks and I don't have as much time I as want to to write anymore. I'm hoping to have it up by the end of the month, but we'll see.
> 
> P.S- the album teaser came out while I was writing this fic and oh my god every song sounds so good (which is honestly not normally how I feel). I am so excited for Monday.


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